Session
Speaking from the Soul
Anaiyah:Good morning.
JULIE:Good morning.
Anaiyah:How are you?
JULIE:Hmm. Oh, pretty good. Yeah.
Anaiyah:And what are you curious about today?
JULIE:Well, the reason that I had initially booked this session, and since I did so, I may have some ideas about what’s going on, but I would say I’d like to know what is it that might be impeding my ability to speak. I’m talking about like in the way of the Speakers, like speaking from my wisdom and my clarity and my awareness. When, a lot of the time, maybe not, I would say at least half the time, it seems like my mind goes blank when someone asks me a question or else, I’m not very clear when I’m trying to express myself.
It seems like there’s some kind of block and it may not actually be in my throat, it might be in my mind. You know, I’m not….
Anaiyah:Yes, there is an aspect of trust that is currently blocking you in this direction.
How would you say you are trusting your own ability to speak from your soul?
JULIE:Well, I guess I, you know, I don’t trust myself that much because I might say because of all the experiences that I’ve had, but I guess the experiences that I’ve had come from my level of trust, it goes both ways there.
And I’ve had a lot of experiences where I wanted to express, but there’s something, you know, I go blank.
Anaiyah:There is something else. Yes.
What would be your impression about what is keeping you down?
JULIE:It might, part of it might be coming from me being scattered in my thoughts. And sometimes I’m scattered. That’s another topic I could bring up with you like, what the heck is all this? I feel like I have ADHD.
My mind is going in so many possible, interesting directions.
Anaiyah:Yes, and that’s the curiosity also about all that is possible to explore.
But there is another thing that is also affecting you, and it is connected to humility that you shouldn’t put yourself above, and speaking from your soul, speaking the language of your soul contains ideas about thinking of yourself as a goddess or a god being the equivalent of higher beings which you shouldn’t, or it is what you have been fed with, which you shouldn’t try to emulate or pretend. There is that aspect in the background that is keeping you from turning on the hose so that you can just let the water pour out.
JULIE:Okay.
Anaiyah:How does that resonate for you?
JULIE:Yeah, that resonates. And thinking of myself as a goddess or a god, it’s not that… I do think of others the same way that we all have that potential. We all have that.
That’s what we are, as Essence, that creative ability and beingness. Not separate from that.
Anaiyah:Yes.
JULIE:So it’s not just myself, but I am aware that yes, that’s not really how we speak around here. (laughing) That’s an idea.
Anaiyah:Yes.
JULIE:(Laughing) That’s not how we phrase things.
Anaiyah:But there is also something that you can do about that, because when you try or when you attempt to do that, in which settings do you do that?
JULIE:Well, I mean, even talking to my husband, where I really do want to share more with him, it’s not flowing that easily.
Anaiyah:And what does that interaction…in what position do you put yourself during those interactions with your husband when you approach that threshold where you are starting to allow that flow to move through you?
JULIE:Yeah, I would say that I still, I’m aware of that wanting to be humble, to sound humble, and maybe of equal awareness of where he’s coming from, to help him make some connections and links. But that’s one part of it, but then the other part is not wanting to sound like I’m putting myself above anyone else and that I know more.
Anaiyah:You can…how do you look at the sun?
JULIE:Looking at the sun?
Anaiyah:Yes.
JULIE:Glances.
Anaiyah:(chuckles) And how do you perceive it? Sometimes it is above yourself, but sometimes it is below yourself on the other side of the planet. It moves constantly, but it’s still the sun.
And the position of that sun is merely relative in relation to you. And in relation to how you define directions and position with your planet. The sun is merely the sun.
It is fulfilling a function and it has a certain expression that is needed for life and is not necessarily better than any other expression. It is just one of the expressions that the other expressions are feeding from. And sometimes when you walk in a forest you can see glimpses of that sunlight–not the full flow of sunlight that you could have in a desert where there is nothing to filter that light.
But you can still see some aspect of that light. And sometimes the wind may, the canopy, open more in some places and you have more sunlight. So you are merely, when you are opening yourself to that flow, allowing some more of that sunlight of your essence.
And it is not that you are better to be able to make more of that sunlight shine through. It is merely a movement in the flow and you can also be surprised by that movement that is allowing the movement of that radiant light of yourself. And it is just a play of shadows and branches and leaves.
And you do not have to make it obvious also to the other person that this is coming from a higher perspective or something equivalent. You can simply just allow the words to integrate and be part of the flow, just like the sunlight shining through the foliage of your trees are part of your trek. Or your wandering.
And as you can appreciate those patches of light on the ground or on the other face, you can appreciate that shared movement of wisdom shining through you and being rendered possible by the wind of the other individual.
JULIE:Okay.
Anaiyah:You can allow it to be part of the ecosystem of consciousness in this layer of All That Is.
JULIE:Okay. I will meditate on that for a little while.
Is there anything more you are seeing about that?
Anaiyah:You can soothe your wounds and the repeated injunctions to remain below so that you can rise to your rightful position, just like a bird who has been told to stay on the ground when its life purpose was to roam in the sky.
Follow your calling and know that people are always going to benefit from whatever is going to come through you.
JULIE:Okay.
Anaiyah:Which doesn’t mean that you have to take on a particular role. Just allow yourself to be yourself fully. Not contain yourself in the confines of what society has decided is good for a woman, a mother, a partner to fit in.
You can explore the boundaries of what makes you choose to (unintelligible) your inner voice.
JULIE:Did you say something like blocking my inner voice?
Anaiyah:Yes, but you are also closer to allowing yourself to do that than you may think.
You could say that what is keeping you from doing that is at this point mostly habits, that you have already done the dissolving work of the limitations.
JULIE:That must be a pretty strong habit.
Anaiyah:Habits are strong in that they are being repeated. But once you start seeing the habit for what it is, you can just interrupt it and choose not to engage it. But sometimes they may feel like a refuge because exposing yourself may be frightening in that it is unusual and then you come back to that question of trust.
Can you trust the voice that is going to speak through you that you still perceive as being somewhat separate?
Not always.
JULIE:Yeah, so were you going to say something?
Anaiyah:Just continue.
JULIE:Okay, so I am in a meditation group and they are all advanced meditators in the Dzogchen tradition. And so they are all I would say very aware in their own way. And what they are doing is when we get together and meditate and I am the newcomer in this group.
So that is why I call them “they” sometimes. But what they have been doing is that they are aware that they can extend their energy into each other. I would say that my energy is already extended to others.
But they are intentionally purposefully doing this and connecting with each other and becoming like a group feeling together. And then the leader wants people to speak from that heightened awareness. It does create a heightened awareness in all of us with the linkage of all the members of the group.
And he wants us to speak what we are experiencing during that time so that we can share that verbally. And with each other and I guess I would say maybe pointing out some of these qualities that each of us are experiencing that are coming from this group energy. I believe that is what they are doing.
And R., the leader’s idea is that the group together makes enlightened being or heightens it and therefore that will make it easier for everyone to know what that is like and to live in that state more continuously. Does that make sense–the explanation?
Anaiyah:Yes.
JULIE:And so when he calls on people to speak and a lot of the time I will notice that every person is speaking about something that I have already been experiencing for quite a while. And they will even say it in the words that I would use or the perception that I have about it, the perceptual framework that I have written in my journal or whatever. They will speak it in those words, very similar to what I would have said.
And so then I start feeling like I don’t have anything to add here because they are already saying everything. And then he calls on me and I feel like I don’t have much to say. Like I need to have something original or….
But also there are two things I’m curious about. I’m curious about why when I get in a group of people it seems like everyone is speaking for me already. And I don’t really need to say anything.
Anaiyah:That’s how you are showing yourself that all information is available for anyone.
That when you are merged in that group activity you can access any aspects of the whole. And you are part of the whole. And it is also a reflection that you are listening to yourself speaking to yourself.
And that whatever you have already heard already expressed you can always…let me ask you something here. Are you supposed to find something to say?
JULIE:Well, I’ve wondered about that. How much pressure I’m putting on myself to do that. Because R. really seems to want to hear from me. He wants to hear from everyone.
Anaiyah:And do you think that what they have touched of what you have already expressed are the only things that could be expressed from your energy?
JULIE:There are probably other things that could be expressed. And those would probably be the exposing exposure things. If it’s very different.
Anaiyah:And what are you sensing from that group energy? Are you sensing only the similarities of what you already know? What you have already explored?
JULIE:Yeah, but I’m sure there are differences and things that could help me coming from that group.
Anaiyah:And there is another aspect that you can explore in that about, are you supposed to say something different than what has already been expressed? Or are you allowed to also express what you are perceiving that is similar to what the others have said? Because let me tell you that sometimes to help you open the flow you just need to start saying what’s already there.
Which is the one extremity of the thread that you can pull and then you continue to pull and then it continues to come. And at some point it will be different, but you have to allow that flow to start.
JULIE:Yeah, okay.
Anaiyah:And it doesn’t matter if it looks like what something has already been expressed. Because all your stories have all been expressed in some ways already. But you keep telling stories and inventing new situations about these same ideas, these same topics.
And that’s why consciousness keeps creating new focuses that are still exploring the same realities, but in different ways from different angles.
JULIE:Yeah.
Anaiyah:Don’t let yourself be muted by the fear of not being original.
JULIE:(laughs) Yeah.
Anaiyah:And how comfortable are you in the structure that the group is used to move?
JULIE:I guess I’m not that comfortable with the R. calling on people sometimes or always wanting feedback about who’s experiencing something. He wants us to raise our hand if we’re experiencing a certain thing, a certain experience or whatever. And yeah, I guess it is kind of limited within this certain framework of what he’s calling enlightenment and embodiment of awareness.
Which is another topic I wanted to ask you about.
Anaiyah:And what do you want to ask about that topic?
JULIE:Okay. So at the beginning of the meditation, he’s asking us to suspend our minds, which to me means kind of to open it up and not have, you know, not be so focused on the thoughts going through, but just open it up into the spaciousness. And awareness.
And then he wants us to become aware of awareness, our own awareness. And then awareness in the body, he calls it this embodiment. And it’s an awareness of the whole group’s energy and consciousness.
And it’s an awareness of me and what’s happening in my body. And it’s the body and the space around my body. So it’s including my whole physical space.
It’s including the body space and the group consciousness. So we’re aware of all of this at once. And he’s calling this embodiment.
And I’d like to know if you can tap into what we’re doing there and maybe describe it in a different way so I can understand it in a different way too.
Anaiyah:What you are doing in that is merging your energies, allowing the limitations of how you identify yourself to relax. So that you become aware of the lack of separation, even though you can identify your body, the other individuals, bodies, the environment. Even though you make the difference between what’s physical and non-physical, you start relaxing those differences and you allow some aspects of non-differentiation to help you recognize that there is no separation.
And as you maintain the awareness of the physical aspects of yourselves and you include in your awareness more of the non-physical aspects, then you observe those movements that naturally occur between what you may call the subjective and the objective.
And that is what you could call expanding your awareness. And the embodiment part is merely the idea that you are merging these aspects together. So that they infuse your physical reality, which becomes closer to the dreams that you experience at night.
So, doing that you can learn to solidify even more that experience while keeping the boundaries of your awareness, of your attention also, wide open. Just like you would exercise a muscle or an articulation makes it more flexible, makes it stronger, makes it stronger. You can also do that with your awareness, your attention. Bring it to open to keep that perspective that you have reached through your exercises and your group experiences.
And as you become more familiar with that as your body becomes more used to that flow from the non-physical aspects of yourself, as your ego becomes used also to not being in control, not trying to analyze everything, then it becomes part of the whole and simply flows with it.
Or you can also use it purposefully to explore what is of interest to you in a particular moment in whatever way you want and also remain open to those ways that you haven’t yet explored.
JULIE:And that would be the benefit of holding my awareness open was to let those other unexplored waves come into my awareness.
Anaiyah:Yes. And that also means letting go of the fear of changing, of being different from what you are used to be.
JULIE:Yeah.
Anaiyah:And that is something that you also do, but don’t necessarily realize yet as you are used to certain movements and certain patterns of your own perception. You fit around those other movements as not being part of your flow, which is in a way how you are able to perceive the outside reality as being outside.
JULIE: Because I think it’s not a part of my flow. So I think it’s outside?
Anaiyah:Because that’s how you define it. But when you practice opening that awareness, your awareness to the group to become part of the all of consciousness, you become aware that there is no real difference, that there is no boundaries between yourself and the rest. Between yourself and others.
JULIE:Yeah, I’m a little afraid of that. And I’ll tell you why. That’s, I guess that’s the essence of Dzogchen practice is being open to interconnectedness.
And I, when I talked to Elias about that, he said that…he talked about some of these practices are dissolving completely into interconnectedness. It’s letting go of that ego almost completely, I guess, losing the self into interconnectedness. What would that be… like the ocean?
Like, I’m aware of the last time that we did it and I felt like my ego boundaries were dissolving. And I’m aware that I was uncomfortable with that, but also curious, but then wondering is that dangerous? Is that not where I really want to go?
Do you know what my dilemma is here?
Anaiyah:Yes, and the fear is understandable, because it seems as if you would disappear and lose yourself, because when you do it on your own and you are able to do the same thing–to dissolve your boundaries and dissolve your ego there is not that idea that there are others involved in that moment.
But while you are doing it in that group, there are other people around you. That’s your starting point.
And that in your mind, you are making a difference between those two actions that you may lose yourself in others’ energies, others’ consciousness. That it’s not completely close to people.
JULIE:There were about 45 seconds where the sound was frozen and the screen was frozen, so I didn’t hear about 45 seconds of what you were just saying.
Anaiyah:Interesting.
JULIE:I know, (laughing) but I am interested in what you were saying. (laughing)
Anaiyah:I was saying that there is a difference when you are doing that on your own and when you are doing that in a group, because as you start in a group, you are not alone in your perception. You are with other individuals and they are more used to that kind of practice than you are. There is an aspect of fear to be lost in their own energies and in their awareness that may arise at some point.
But as you were able to do that on your own, during your own meditations, during your own sessions of expansion, you can trust that you won’t lose yourself. And you have the example of those other individuals. They continue to come back.
They continue to be themselves, to be themselves. To be their own center of attention. And you will continue that. But there are those transitions, those moments in which what you thought you knew of yourself will dissolve so that you can form another understanding of who you are and what you are when you reach those other points of view of yourself.
JULIE:Okay.
Anaiyah:This is the learning stages. And when you incorporate new elements, there can be some confusion. But as your awareness, as your consciousness will familiarize itself with the actions that you are engaging, you will start having those references that will emerge and that you can use to stabilize yourself. Do you understand?
JULIE:So the experiences that I’m having in this meditation and consciousness are, I will become more familiar with them.
Anaiyah:Yes.
JULIE:And be able to feel more stable.
Anaiyah:Yes, and that will build your own trust in your abilities, in your inner strength.
JULIE:Okay.
Anaiyah:And always remember about you and your own intention in being part of those groups, of those experiences.
The group may have its own intention and it’s nourished and enriched by all of your individual intentions.
What’s your intention in doing this exploration with that group?
JULIE:To expand my awareness. I would say that the benefits that I’ve already received of becoming more aware of my objective body as being a part of awareness, the embodied awareness state that we create together is a benefit because it’s helping me to experience more of myself in a different way. I guess that would be the blending–the physical objective/subjective blending.
Anaiyah:Yes. And have you experienced moments of losing yourself? Or is it merely a fear for you?
JULIE:I have experienced moments. But myself always comes back and hasn’t remained gone.
Anaiyah:As long as your intention is not to move in the direction of disengaging, as long as you continue this practice of embodiment, you will always find your way back.
JULIE:Okay. So really my intention does matter here?
Anaiyah:Yes.
JULIE:I won’t get sucked into nothingness unless I want to? (laughing)
Anaiyah:(laughing) Unless that’s what you’re choosing, yes.
JULIE:Okay. (laughing)
Because it seems like Seth and Elias warned about the Buddhist aim of dissolving into Nirvana or something. And so I’m like, no, I don’t want to dissolve into Nirvana, but I want to know what everything’s happening and expand my awareness.
Anaiyah:And if you keep that in mind, if you are truthful to yourself, then you will explore what your direction is. Simply maintain that awareness of your intention. Don’t try to make the group’s intention more important than you.
Because what you are also learning with that embodiment is to be an individual in that interconnectedness. The caution is about wanting to move only in the direction of experiencing the whole and the interconnectedness and lose sight of the physical aspect. But that’s not what you are interested in.
JULIE:Right. I’m more interested in that thing of reality, this physical reality becoming more like the dreams at night, which is more of that blending of the subjective and objective together.
Anaiyah:And when you do that with your group, are you also moving your bodies?
JULIE:No. And also, I didn’t mention this to you, but the group is on Zoom, it’s online. And so we’re not in physical space together and we’re not moving.
I guess it would be possible if I wanted to move myself.
Anaiyah:And have you felt the impression or the nudge to translate the movements as you are doing the embodiment into physical movement? Because that would help anchor it more.
JULIE:Okay.
Anaiyah:And blend it more.
JULIE:Okay. I did have a profound experience. I was watching a video of our meeting and I started doing yoga as I was listening and meditating and that was a very profound.
I had a more profound insight from actually blending the yoga with that more. (unintelligible)
Anaiyah:That’s exactly what I was referring to.
JULIE:Okay. Yeah. That’s a good direction.
Anaiyah:Okay.
JULIE:Well, gosh, this has been really packed with information and insight. Thank you.
Anaiyah:You’re welcome. Are you feeling full already?
JULIE:I am. And it looks like our hour is almost over too. Yeah, it’s probably a good time to stop.
Anaiyah:Very well.
JULIE:I appreciate very much this meeting with you.
Anaiyah:I wish you a very an excellent journey on discovering yourself and expanding your awareness. And I will also join my energy if you are so willing to help you and support you in building that trust to allow your inner voice to shine through.
JULIE:Okay. Thank you. Okay, yes. I’ll accept that. Thank you.
Anaiyah:Very well.
Have an excellent day. Goodbye.
JULIE:Bye.