Session
The Expression Is the Choice
Anaiyah:Good morning, my friend.
JACKLINE:Oh, good morning, Anaiyah. I am so happy to be here.
Anaiyah:How are you? I’m happy, too.
JACKLINE:I’m good. I’m good. And…and I want to just say something before I even get into questions, that this world today, this political world that we’re in, is so… it’s building to a… it seems to be building to a climax, and it’s such a heavy energy, and I’m really wanting to transform it.
It…it’s…usually I ignore it. I just go my merry way, but this is, it’s, it’s almost like a heavy heavy load of energy. And so, it’s a challenge, I just want to say. It’s a challenge to try to feel and express the joy and be aware of all the beauty when the energy is so heavy. And I’m hoping that there’s a climax to it sometime soon. It’s building up.
Anaiyah:And how is it affecting you?
JACKLINE:It’s affecting me not in a way that I like. Because, I usually don’t focus on it, and, the negative energy, and I just look for the beauty and do what I want to do and… But it’s, it’s difficult now, because it’s not just incoming impressions, it’s the whole energy around me is very very heavy, and it feels like it’s pressing, like it’s a pressure, a pressure. And I feel like the world is in a pressure cooker now.
Anaiyah:And what are the physical manifestations around you directly around you? Are you witnessing the pressure or the conflicts in your environment?
JACKLINE:No, no. My environment is happy and wonderful, and events are wonderful and there’s nothing… I thought about this just this morning what you’re asking. There isn’t any…It’s not like there is any bad things happening around me. There are people who are bringing up the subject, and then I focus on it, and I read and listen to what’s happening because, because I think it’s important to know. But even though there’s nothing happening, I’m just sensitive to the amount of pressure. I don’t know another word for it.
Anaiyah:Let me ask you something. If you don’t look for information on your internet or through connecting with your friends, do you feel as affected by this energy?
JACKLINE:No, I’m less affected by it because it’s disturbing to focus on it. And I’m aware of that.
Anaiyah:So, apart from getting the information that you want, what makes you linger in the putrid waters that you don’t enjoy?
JACKLINE:Well, that is an interesting question. That, Anaiyah, this is pretty…It’s almost as if I’ve become… I’ve chosen to go into the mass putrid waters. It’s as if there’s a part of me that wants to just join in with the Pied Piper crowd, and…
Anaiyah:Why can’t you observe from the side instead of jumping right in?
JACKLINE:I can. I can. I have to be very careful about how much news I read or podcasts I listen to.
Anaiyah:Yes. It is a lot like eating something. You may encounter some food, either fruits or meat or whatever you want to ingest, and this food may be spoiled. You may look at it and observe if there is mold on it, if there is a smell, and you can also ingest it to have a deeper experience of it. You don’t have to, but if you ingest it, you will most likely observe physical reactions. Just like you may observe as you ingest the food for thoughts that are, that is provided by your media or that is relayed by people around you that have been feeding on these media.
Why do you think you need to get that much information or that many details to know what you need to know?
JACKLINE:I can say, I don’t know if [it’s] euphemistic, what my actions are would be that I just wanted to experience ingesting it. The fact…and then see what it does which is horrible. Because I feel the pressure. It’s just everywhere. But the truth…
Anaiyah:And when it tastes bad, you can just spit it out.
JACKLINE:Well, I don’t want to go in… I don’t need to ingest it anymore. I want to be done with that.
But to answer your question, honestly, I’m not sure how to say it in words because I don’t know if it’s the same mechanism. But it feels like there’s a part of me that wanted to just… it’s just easier to follow the flow of the mass. There is a part of me… I don’t like to think of me as wanting to just go into the depths, but I do believe that there’s a part of me that enjoys the extreme of the opposites.
Anaiyah:Ah.
JACKLINE:And, and it’s sort of like saying, Okay Jackline, you’re…you’re a human, you’re going with the mass. And I do think there’s a part of me… But what I’ve experienced is I’m very uncomfortable doing that. And I don’t think I want to. I’m pretty sure I don’t, I really don’t want to do all that swimming in the putrid pond and ingesting the bad food.
Anaiyah:You don’t have to.
JACKLINE:Thank you for asking that, because it does make it clear that there’s a part of me that just likes to be, likes to be angry.
Anaiyah:Ah.
JACKLINE:I just like, I mean.. even though I’m not angry.
Anaiyah:But let me also tell you that these energies that you ingest when you read these news also contain the anger. And they influence you in becoming angry at you in turn.
JACKLINE:Okay, that makes sense.
Anaiyah:And they are also not compatible with your own energy, your own flow, which makes it difficult for you to digest. And just like when you eat something with too much fat, it becomes heavy on your stomach.
JACKLINE:Yeah. Okay, that makes sense because there are people around me who are involved in, you know, in being a part of the media and so forth, or ingesting the media, and they are very… they don’t like what’s happening, but they’re very content where they are. But I’m not. I’m…I’m… actually, even though everything’s going wonderfully well, I’m physically, physically uncomfortable with the pressure of this energy. So thank you for adding that, because you’re right that what I’m ingesting changes my baseline, and I’m uncomfortable with it.
Anaiyah:Yes. And it makes it much more energy to reconfigure than just the energy that you would receive, naturally buffer out. But for the most part, you don’t need to reconfigure it if you don’t ingest it that much.
JACKLINE:Okay, well, that helps a lot. So, I’m ready to go on to my questions, which…
Anaiyah:Very well.
JACKLINE:There’s a never ending flow of questions here. (both laugh) And a lot of them have to do with my understanding the physical and how it relates to our essence and the non physical and, and my experiences. So I’ll go to the first one. And it does seem like there’s a certain negativity here, but it’s not. This first one’s regarding suicide.
Anaiyah:What does interest you about that?
JACKLINE:Okay, I have always had a problem comprehending suicide. Because I’ve always felt that whatever the situation is, there was some way to process it, and some way to see something good from it. But… and I can understand if somebody is terminally ill and in great pain. And I would probably consider suicide, if I were terminally ill, the body and there [was] too much pain to really want to continue. So I would understand. But when somebody still has a functioning body and they commit suicide, it’s difficult for me to comprehend that choice.
And so my questions are, well, when one commits suicide with a healthy body, what happens to one’s essence? And, and when one disengages, is it different than when one dies naturally, and I’m separating this from somebody who’s already very close to disengaging… they’re terminally ill and not… they choose to leave with that circumstance. But I just wanted to understand that choice better and not put a right or wrong to it, but see what… if there’s any difference when one does commit suicide.
Anaiyah:Are you wondering about the essence or the focus of that essence that committed suicide?
JACKLINE:I wasn’t separating them. I used the word essence. I was thinking of focus, but the question says maybe it affects the entire essence. I don’t know. How would it affect the focus, the essence? And, and is there a difference in the process of, you know…?
Anaiyah:For the essence, it’s merely an experience. There is not much affectingness in the sense of consequences. From the essence point of view or from an essence point of view, you are aware of probable realities and probable selves. For one probable [self] who has committed suicide who took their own lives, there are other probable lines of that exploration that may continue. From the focus’ point of view, (long pause, and very slow delivery) for a focus to commit suicide, it is most likely that they don’t recognize their connection or their existence as essence, their own power. They may feel completely disempowered, and the path of continuing with the life, with existing, feels completely threatening, devoid of meaning. The pressure has been built for so long that they are seeking for a way to get rid of it for good. They see no value in their own life, no value in themselves.
They, some of them may have become suffering, and this is or this may be hard to maintain because they are not seeing their choices. And that may allow for a strong sense of desperation that completely blocks their connection with a future. What they have built or the vision of life and of themselves that they have painted doesn’t bring them joy. You can imagine a world devoid of beauty, devoid of meaning, and devoid of connection.
When they manage to go through with the suicide, because a lot of the time they miss the first times, because they are not completely ready or their body is still having some value fulfillment in existing. Even in the most dire conditions, physical organism wants to survive and to find a way out, not a way out of physical reality, but a way out of the situation. When the person finally went through with what they planned, they still have to recognize that they are dead and remember the circumstances of their death, of the reasons why they chose such a life, which may not be as easy to accept or process compared to a more natural way to die or what you call an accident, which they also chose, but not because they didn’t see any value in them or in their life. So, are you understanding?
JACKLINE:Yes. I am understanding, and I’m glad I aqqsked and you went into detail, because I have much more compassion in understanding now. And as far as essence, I understand, and as far as after disengagement the individual in the non-physical still will be processing for a while.
Anaiyah:Yes.
JACKLINE:His… the meaning of his life.
Anaiyah:Just like you do in physical reality when you do something (pause) that [goes] against your own guidelines, that [goes] against your own desire, or your own fulfillment.
JACKLINE:Well, let me take this question, and I’m going to skip to another one…
Anaiyah:Very well.
JACKLINE:… that just now connects, and this I have as related to value fulfillment, which would relate to the suicide. But my question on value fulfillment… but I want to connect it to the suicide, as well.
Okay, when we disengage, it’s a choice in that moment. But there are a lot of people who they die young or they die suddenly or in accidents. But… I have a friend who was, you know, a tree fell on him, and he died. And he had been planning all these trips. He had retired. He and his wife had all this whole future ahead of them. So regarding value fulfillment, not only of the person who seemingly killed… who committed suicide and didn’t feel they had fulfillment or there was no more, nothing more they can do, but what about the people then who really did want to continue their life? But did they complete their value fulfillment in this focus? And in any event, then how would you explain value fulfillment?
Anaiyah:Because value fulfillment is not measured by your appetite of life. Some people want to leave while they are still content with their life. They don’t want to get bored by it. They just want to enjoy and end in an apotheosis.
JACKLINE:And what? I didn’t get that.
Anaiyah:A fireworks.
JACKLINE:Okay.
Anaiyah:When they are still happy and full of projects and hungry for life. Value fulfillment is not necessarily something that wither away. It’s more something that once it is complete, then you change your game. Just like when you have had enough of a book, even if you haven’t reached the end, you can put it on the side and do something else.
JACKLINE:Well, in life you can do this or do that. But when you disengage, you don’t come back in that focus to life. So..uh… it’s permanent for that focus.
Anaiyah:But the focus continues to be able to generate physical imagery when they disengage. And there are still so many fields of exploration for them that are available.
JACKLINE:So value fulfillment would be then a decision in the moment of where I want to be or where one wants to be in the physical or not. And that’s what it is. It’s not a measure of how much happiness or how much distress or whether one has completed the intent. It’s a matter of what one wants to choose in the moment. Is that correct?
Anaiyah:Yes, this is the same. You can take the example of your movies. You have movies with happy endings and movies with tragic endings. When your movies have a happy ending, you feel elated or transported with your emotions. And the experience you had while following the characters or the story lingers with you. But the movie has ended. You are still content. I understand that in physical reality you can start it again, and… but it will be the same movie. It’s not continuing after the end. In your life, you do something similar. You… once the movie of this focus you wanted to experience or watch is complete, you disengage from this story, and you move on to other experiences.
As essence, when you’re in the non-physical, time has not the same meaning as in your physical reality. In your physical reality, you as essence are watching many, countless movies at the same time in this physical reality or in other dimensions. As essence, there is no need to re-watch the same movie or re-experience the same movie the same way. You… the experience is there in consciousness. If you want to go back in some ways to it, you can regenerate parts of it, but you don’t necessarily need to recreate the whole set, the whole movie or incorporate the whole cast. Because remember, as essence you have also created all those, or as a focus you have created these probable realities, these probable movies of your same life. You have already experienced it all. And you also experience more through your connections with other individuals, other focuses that are not necessarily of your essence, which you may call counterpart actions.
JACKLINE:Say that again, which I may call what actions?
Anaiyah:Counterpart.
JACKLINE:Oh, counterpart, yes. Well, this whole thing brings up many, even more questions. I’m going to go to another question.
Anaiyah:Okay.
JACKLINE:But first, I want to say you have answered well for me. I mean for me in terms of value fulfillment and disengagement. It is a choice in the moment, period. It’s a choice in the moment.
I don’t know… I don’t think I’ve said this to you before, but I have a friend born the same year as me. We were very close. And he passed many years ago. And it was sudden. And afterwards, I connected with him in the nonphysical, and I asked him, Why? Why did you go, John? Why did you go? And he said, Well, it’s not that I didn’t love my life and my family and my friends. It’s not that I wanted to leave them. But he said, there are many… there are times in one’s life when there’s a window, and we can make a choice. And at that moment, I saw the window, and I just was curious and interested in going through that window. And that was my choice.
And I remember that. And I’m sure everyone has variations of their own reasons for choosing. But it was.. IS probably always will be a choice in the moment, and I think that that’s what you told me here, if I understand correctly.
Anaiyah:Yes. And you will understand when you make the choice.
JACKLINE:Ha ha ha. Okay.
Well, my next question is regarding lying. Lying. To tell lies.
Anaiyah:Okay.
JACKLINE:And I don’t like to lie, and I don’t like being lied to. And I realize that this is a powerful preference for me because my history of believing I was betrayed. It wasn’t that I wasn’t loved as much as that I was told that I was loved or acted towards with love, and then acted towards with dislike or violence or anger. So I have beliefs and fears related to lying, even if lying is unintentional. And I also am uncomfortable with lying because it limits or appears to limit what my choices are.
So here are my questions. If I choose to lie, does it diminish me? And is that dependent on my motive? And I would also like to process my beliefs about lying, because people lie intentionally and unintentionally all the time. And many times I don’t tell the exact truth, because I don’t want it out in the air for other people to see or hear. So, can you talk to me about lying and diminishment, responsibility?
Anaiyah:Repeat.
JACKLINE:There seems for me to be a link with being responsible, responsible for one’s word, which is again… this is related to my fears, history, and I’m aware of that. But I’d like to… I don’t want to fear being lied to like I am.
Anaiyah:I understand.
JACKLINE:And I want to know what it is. What is lying and does it diminish me? Does it depend on my motive?
Anaiyah:Let me first ask you, in which circumstances does it matter so much for you? Because you have said that sometimes it doesn’t bother you. While at other times you react very strongly to that.
JACKLINE:Oh, interesting that you ask that. Um, I want to say that I am… I aim to be and I’m pretty aware that each one of us is acting out our own desires, life needs, fears, and that it’s not… they’re not doing something to me. Somebody else is not doing something to me, and I’m not doing something to them. So I’m, so I’m dealing with the judgments or the anger or the belief that there’s a betrayal, because I don’t believe that anymore. I used to.
But the discomfort for me, so… and with that belief a lot of times it doesn’t bother me. People do what they do, and it’s okay. And I still have choices whether or not they lie or are telling me the truth or not. But where it bothers me…and this is my beliefs about lying is when somebody acts as if they’re my friend or acts as if they care about me, and then they pretend or believe or forget that they ever made any promises or commitment or that they really don’t care about me.
Now, I can put it in context that they’re living their life, that there is no maleficence, no ill intent, and even if there is, it’s their problem. But my history with lying is difficult because I can’t tell… I, I have a blur as to how people are responding to me when I believe… I believe their actions, I believe their words. And then it’s not true.
Anaiyah:Are you talking about when people make promises to you and then break their promises either by forgetting about it or just not making it important?
JACKLINE:That or it can be in every relation to caring about me or… And in my mind, I understand that it has nothing to do with me. But it…it.. it has made their words or actions or promises or even commitments have brought me to make certain choices in my life that I would not have made if I didn’t believe them. So it’s..it’s sort of about my believing what somebody else says.
Anaiyah:So, I understand. And there are many layers to that. Some are connected with the associations with your own experiences and your own judgments about lying, or about what you define as lying.
JACKLINE:Ahh, that’s an interesting perspective, too.
Anaiyah:Yes. And the judgment itself will make it (pause) have a bad taste to you, and you will react to it just as you would when you would eat something spoiled, like we said at the start of this conversation.
Then, you also have a layer about your own guidelines. What is important to you may not be as important to someone else. When you project your guidelines, you generate expectations about behaviors, about commitment, about affection or emotions, or you project in the future that it should last or it should develop [in a certain way]. And when it doesn’t or when it is revealed to be different from your expectations, that’s when you feel betrayed or that… and here again is another projection that the whole experience wasn’t [true] or was a lie.
JACKLINE:Ahh!
Anaiyah:When the experience is what you make of it. Did you enjoy it when it was generated, when you created it, when you lived it? That is the experience you created. You created the experience of fun. You created the experience of enjoyment, of beauty, of connection. For you, that was real. That was what you created.
JACKLINE:Yeah, and when you want… when…. And somehow there is a part that thinks that things won’t change, but everything changes. Always.
Anaiyah:Yes. You also.
JACKLINE:And I think that there may be more layers, but I think what you’ve described is where I’ve been stuck, which is I project my values. Uh…I like to be candid. I like to be…uh… forthright and kind, but direct. And other people…
Anaiyah:And loving.
JACKLINE:they may not even know themselves enough… I’m sorry, say again.
Anaiyah:And loving.
JACKLINE:And loving, I try. But when I project my values that may not be the same as the others… and then I also have my own history, which tends to make me want to digest things that I don’t need to swallow.
Anaiyah:Yes, there is another aspect of it, that when you feel betrayed, you also beat yourself up because you trusted too much, or you thought that you were a fool, or that you made wrong choices.
JACKLINE:Mm hmm. Okay, but the thing is, the experience was what I created, and that’s where the value is.
Anaiyah:Yes. And you don’t need to erase that. You don’t need to (pause) destroy it.
JACKLINE:Okay. Thank you… yes, for that. And when I lie, which is something I don’t like, it’s okay, too. I mean, I may have a value not to lie, but there may be instances where it’s beneficial for me and maybe for the other. And so I’m asking, Anaiyah, it’s okay to lie, right?
Anaiyah:That’s a choice that is neither okay or not okay. That’s… you talked about responsibility.
JACKLINE:Yeah.
Anaiyah:Knowing your own reasons and your own influence on people, your choices are your responsibility, but you don’t have to take the responsibility for how people would respond to what you consider to be the truth or that you camouflaged it.
JACKLINE:That I can what?
Anaiyah:Camouflaged.
JACKLINE:Oh, camouflage. Yeah, right. Ha ha ha. So there are times I can be a chameleon or camouflage, and it’s my choice. So long as I don’t do it, to hide myself. So long as it’s my choice.
Anaiyah:Yes. Yes. And when you try to hide yourself. Do you consider that you are lying to yourself also?
JACKLINE:Well, I used to, but my question is, if I believe that it’s okay, that it’s not going to diminish who I am, then I’m not lying to myself. I’m making a choice in the moment to portray a certain image that I want to portray. And I think it will be a beneficial thing to do for me… and maybe for the other, maybe not.
Anaiyah:Yes. You (pause). That is (pause). Let’s just say that when you add the right or wrong ingredients to the mix, it complicates things when you have to assess what you can say and what you cannot say and whether it is a… whether it is beneficial for you to distort knowing what you are doing and knowing that you don’t necessarily do that to harm another individual. This is the flexibility of your choices.
JACKLINE:I thank you, and I want to go on to what will be the last question.
Anaiyah:Very well.
JACKLINE:I have a list of a dozen, and we’ve done three. So I will…. I hope to see you again soon. But the last question relating to choices… you have said previously to me that choosing is not done by the mind or the intellect. So what part of me chooses?
Anaiyah:The part of you that does. The part of you that expresses itself or yourself. Your expressions are your choices.
JACKLINE:That’s interesting because the last time you said the aspects that I’m expressing, they are the choices. So what I’m expressing, that is the choice.
Anaiyah:Yes.
JACKLINE:But…but what… is it the desire, the desire in the moment? Is it an emotional…? It’s not emotion. Is it that…?
Anaiyah:The desire will motivate you to move in the direction of exploring your choices.
JACKLINE:So what makes the action then? What…?
Anaiyah:You. You are the action.
JACKLINE:My being… my, my, the essence of this focus in any given moment expresses itself. And that’s the choice.
Anaiyah:Yes.
JACKLINE: The expression is the choice. The choice is the expression. And it is…it becomes the reflection of who I am in that moment.
Anaiyah:Yes. And it…
JACKLINE:Ha ha ha… I don’t know understand… … but who am I? I mean…you know what I mean. I am consciousness. I’m essence. I’m life. Uh… but… This is not a mental thing. My thought focused brain does not comprehend.
Anaiyah:What do you not understand about that?
JACKLINE:Well, there’s no right or wrong. So if I want to choose something that is beneficial to me, what I’m hearing is… Just whoever I am in that moment, and whatever I express, no right or wrong… that who I am is expressing is choosing. The expression is the choice. The choice is the expression.
Anaiyah:Yes.
JACKLINE:And all I have to do is be who I am in that moment, and that is beneficial. That is beneficial.
Anaiyah:Yes. And be aware of your choosing of your choices, and assess with your intellect whether that is what you want to create next.
JACKLINE:Okay.
Anaiyah:What you want to change, just like when you are at a buffet, there are many dishes, many different flavors, you pick one which is your choice. You don’t need to think about it. You just have to do it. And then you assess whether you want more of this dish, or if you want to try a different taste.
And then you can continue to hop from one dish to another. But you also have to take into account if you are hungry or whether some food or some ingredients are harmful to your body. This is not necessarily only about what you… what tastes good or not. It’s also how your body, how you react or how you respond to certain energies. And being aware of your choices, and of the fact that you are the one choosing allows you to interrupt the experiences and choose another one or stop to digest and then come back [later] to the buffet.
JACKLINE:Okay. We’re out of time. And…
Anaiyah:Very well. Did that satisfy your curiosity about choice?
JACKLINE:Yeah. I have to process it because it’s a combination of in the moment and awareness and listening to other inputs and hearing my body and my senses and… it’s all connected with awareness.
Anaiyah:Yes.
JACKLINE:So, we will continue.
Anaiyah:With pleasure.
JACKLINE:Thank you so much.
Anaiyah:Until that time, I will play with you whenever you want to explore your choices.
JACKLINE:Thank you, Anaiyah, spontaneously or in an organized way.
Anaiyah:Yes. Or a spontaneously organized way.
JACKLINE:Yes… yes like the buffet.
Anaiyah:Just like we talked about. Yes.
JACKLINE:Thank you. Thank you.
Anaiyah:Enjoy your experiences and your playground.
JACKLINE:I hope so. I plan to.
Anaiyah:Goodbye, my friend.
JACKLINE:Bye.